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Monday, January 09, 2006

What is a Canadian, eh?

Rick Mercer: Ultimate Canadian?

Frankly so much has changed since I was a kid that I really don't know anymore. So I thought it would be fitting for our first post to try and redefine what it is to be Canadian.

Not that we Canadians ever knew what it meant in the first place. In fact, for the most part we have defined ourselves by explaining how we differ from the Americans. You call that a definition? But now that we have our own gun-toting gangs like the yanks, those differences are rapidly fading like Rick Mercer's picture above.

So this is my feeble attempt at redefining what it means to be a Canadian. Of course it all depends on your perspective. If your were born in this country, it will be different than if you emigrated here. My wife is an immigrant but I'm born and raised canuck so you know where I'm coming from.

Oh yes, before I forget, this was written with my tongue in my cheek so if you can't laugh at yourself then by all means move on to the next blog. And BTW, this is supposed to fun so no skin head hate propaganda allowed here thank you very much.

This list is by know means exhaustive so feel free to leave your mark.

What it is to be Canadian:

1. Canada is no longer a Christian country. In fact, Christianity has become synonymous with a dirty word. So depending on which side of hell you may sit that can be a good or a bad thing.

2. Immigrants are welcome. As I bend over backwards for you please kick me in the ass, change my laws, and throw out my religious beliefs. In fact abuse our human rights to make your own little country within mine. We Canadians are masochists. Please, by all means go for it. We love it. Seriously.

3. Give my hard earned taxes to third world countries while you throw me out onto the streets because there are no jobs.

4. And while we're at it let's make all of the full time jobs part time so we can bolster Stats Canada data, get rid of pension schemes and bust the unions.

5. Canada is a safe haven for terrorists. Just ask George Bush. Experienced criminals need only apply.

6. We love corrupt governments. How else can the Liberals stay in power as long as they have.

7. We prefer 5 year dictatorships as opposed to an American style of government. To hell with checks and balances like a powerful Congress or Senate.

8. And to hell with voting for judges. We prefer patronage appointments for our friends. That is the Canadian way of doing business. It's all about who you know. So blow real hard Great White North. Blow me.

9. (This one's from my wife). We search the world over for the brightest and most educated minds to bolster our deficient population numbers because Canadian women are too busy with their careers to sire children. We promise them jobs and the great Canadian dream. After they arrive we tell them their credentials aren't good enough, but we have lots of nice jobs cleaning toilets.

10. Or alternatively we tell our young men that we can't hire them because we are only accepting applications from the opposite sex or visible minorities. We call it human rights. Obviously some are more human than others.

11. Contributions?

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9 Comments: 'It's your turn now'...

At 5:00 PM, Anonymous hosehead said...

Nice blog hoser. Eh! Funny post. I have one for you. Canucks are wannabe Muricans. That should piss 'em off.

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At 12:02 PM, Anonymous immigrant said...

Ditto for #9. That is exactly what happened to me.

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At 12:58 PM, Anonymous fedup said...

I can relate to #10. Unless you are connected males can forget about finding a decent job.

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At 1:08 PM, Anonymous dan said...

Great list. I think you've pretty much covered it all. Funny and very well done!

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At 12:26 PM, Blogger JC said...

Thanks for comments guys. It's a pleasure to serve.

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At 8:43 PM, Anonymous chance said...

Hilarious, and right on the mark!

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At 5:28 AM, Blogger OORANOS said...

Have a good time

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At 10:36 AM, Blogger JC said...

Hey, thanks flashing me Ooranos! I feel so naked.

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At 9:04 PM, Anonymous tanya said...

I loved the line "depending on which side of hell you may sit that can be a good or a bad thing". Really funny and thanks.

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